I’m standing in the center of the crossroads, looking at each direction in turn:  North, South, East and West.  Each road leads to the horizon, so I can’t see the ultimate destination.  But intuitively, I know what’s waiting for me.

I face North.  Traveling down this road will lead me to kindred spirits.  It’s the community I’ve worked so hard to establish once I arrived in Lake Oswego.  This is where I fit, where I belong and where I feel at home.  It’s spending weekday nights at my neighbor’s house making dinner.  It’s waking up on Saturday mornings and walking to the farmer’s market in the summer.  It’s volunteering for Oregon Public Broadcasting and the Oregon Food Bank.  I am part of this community.

I turn South.  Taking this route means falling in love, having a family and putting down roots.  Although at 34 I don’t feel my biological clock ticking off the seconds, I still want to bask in the warmth of another human being.  Whereas North puts me in the limelight, South is very private and intimate.

I look West.  West is my calling and my destiny.  I can’t ignore this direction, but taking the first step is the hardest.  There’s a restlessness inside I’ve been trying to quiet, but now that I’m becoming a culinary student, I feel calm, relaxed and at peace.  For the first time, I can feel my competitive side rearing its head.  I’ve always been a team player and not one to be competitive as an individual.  But now I’m longing to have teachers throw challenges in my path so I can master each one.  I want to be the best in my class.

I shift East.  Here, I am financially, mentally and emotionally secure.  This goes back to family and being part of something that is bigger than just me.  It’s about balance, safety and a connection with those around me.

Before I made the choice to go to culinary school, I was confused, like being on a merry-go-round that was going too fast.  I thought I could only choose one path and couldn’t make a decision because I wouldn’t be truly satisfied.  

But now that the decision has been made and my plane departs in five days, I have a new outlook.  I now know that I can master each direction and bring each one back to center.  I don’t have to choose just one direction because I can travel all of them and create a balance in my life.  It means things will fall off my list – things that I previously held important.  There will be some difficult decisions on where I spend my time.  But I have to be true to myself.

On Monday, I will take the first step.  That step will be neither North, South, East or West.  Instead, the directions will align into one path.  A path I was destined to take.

Thank you to each and every one of you who have supported me on this journey.  Without your guidance, I wouldn’t have made it this far.  You’ll be with me each step of the way.  And this is only the beginning!

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