I'm heading home - a sort of vacation from my vacation - for two blissful weeks of rest and relaxation. Okay, I probably won't get a lot of down time since my schedule is already packed, but the idea sounds nice. It's still hard for me to believe I haven't set foot on US soil for more than five months. It seems like just yesterday I was calling my mom the night before I left and saying I wasn't going.

It's amazing how many things change. And I wonder how much I've changed since I've been gone. Will my friends still recognize me? Will the Tse they've known for so long be completely changed or will she seem just the same? It's a question that keeps creeping into my head from time to time.

Getting back has been a bit of an adventure. Due to the scare in London, security is extra tight. The lines for security were hellishly long, but what really surprised me was the physical search each of the 400 passengers on my flight had to endure before boarding. Needless to say this made us three hours late in take off. But rather than be annoyed, it's nice to know we're just that much safer. Of course the delay meant I missed my flight to Portland and had to take the first flight out the next morning. And here I am without a US cell phone!

I managed to leave three messages for my mom telling her I wouldn't be on the flight, and then dialed my friends here in Chicago looking for a place to crash. Thankfully my best friend was home and arrived at the airport just 15 short minutes later to take me home.

As we were driving to her surburban home, I started experiencing culture shock. Everything was to big - open spaces, the highways, the cars, buildings, even the people. I think I felt the twinges of the opposite of claustrophobia for a few moments. I'm so used to things being small, close and compact. And then there are the stores - miles and miles of strip malls offering everything you need under one roof. In Paris, I have to go to specialty stores to get everything I need. Here you just go to one place and all your needs are met.

It also hit me how out of touch I've been with the world. I went to Paris to get a global perspective, but I'm surprised by how little I know about what's going on. As soon as I stepped off the plane, I'm bombarded by news, news, and more news. I didn't realize how much of a bubble I was living in - and enjoying it. For once it was nice to be ignorant to current day politics. When she picked me up, Denise asked me what the French thought of the cease fire proposals. I turned to her with a blank stare and asked, "What cease fire?"

Perhaps ignorance is bliss. But then again, maybe it isn't. I feel like I should care what's going on in the world, but I'm having a hard time. I feel like I should be responsible and doing something to stop all the suffering and pain. But why do I feel so powerless to act? Why am I not immediately taking action to prevent someone's suffering? Why am I not making a difference.

Before I came to Paris, I used to volunteer all the time to causes I believed in - Oregon Public Broadcasting, Oregon Food Bank, etc. I haven't done anything charitible in the last five months, so I feel a little unworthy at the moment.

But to change subjects completely, I have a huge smile on my face. I can communicate with everyone - they all speak English! I can smile at strangers and ask them how they are. I picked up a copy of Bon Appetite for my flight home and can't wait to read it. I'm going home!

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